Monday, October 17, 2011

Emotional Conundrum

I'm in such a weird mental space today. After running a nice 9.5 miles yesterday, I feel a bit differently about 26.2. Is it weird that I feel daunted & uncaring all at the same time? 

Daunted: 26.2 miles is a long way to run. 
Uncaring: But I made it 16 miles. That's also a long way & I did it just fine.

Daunted: Mr. X is away for training & I feel all alone.
Uncaring: But I've got a couple of great friends coming to take pics & pace me if I need some support, so I've got support even though Mr. X can't be there.

Daunted: The weather is so cold/warm, I have no idea what to wear.
Uncaring: Eh. I'll run in my sports bra if I have to. I'll look cool in a skirt/sports bra combo... who cares about the muffin top?

Daunted: I've been sick for 2.5 weeks & my lungs might not be fully recovered.
Uncaring: Eh. I'll walk it if I have to. I know I can make it 10 miles... who cares if I have to walk the remaining miles so long as I can finish?

In fact, the only thing making me paranoid is parking for the Expo on Saturday. Yes, I'm that person. So now I'm wondering: is this type of daunted/uncaring conundrum typical for first-timers? I feel like the amount of miles I logged to get this far are more important than the race... that the training miles are a much better show of my commitment than a medal/t-shirt/finishlinepicture ever will.

Of course, I'm saying this 6 days before the marathon. And I'm 100% sure I'll be singing a different tune once that medal is around my neck & I've got photographic evidence of my finish. But for right now, I feel daunted & uncaring. It's confusing yet comforting. 

Yes, it has been a weird day.

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