Friday, May 4, 2012

48 hours to go...

I felt a bit behind, so I just logged my last 2 workouts in my BelieveIAm training journal. And realized I've got roughly 48 hours until "go time." And it makes me want to pee my pants.

Most people have asked if I feel ready, if I'm okay mentally (from the marathon DNF). I've maintained my calm; last night, I was more worried that I didn't feel worried at all. Last night, I thought this was no big deal. Last night, I was still chasing 2:15:00 in my heart, even though my rational brain knows that probably won't happen.

Until now.

Now, I want to pee my pants. My legs are shaking. My stomach is nervous. Holy crapballs, I'm running a half marathon on Sunday. How in the hell am I going to do that? Are my legs going to hold? Is my IT band going to behave itself? What if I'm so afraid of failure that I can't even think about what I'll be doing Sunday morning? Is my cavalier attitude about all of this just a form of protection, like when I compartmentalize my brain while flying (I hate to fly)?

I think I'm going to be sick.

1 comment:

  1. Bonnie: I'll be sending you positive vibes from Michigan!! You can do it. Dig Deep as they say!!