I spent the weekend crying my eyes out.
I'm told my grieving is completely normal. I supposed that makes me feel better about being so broken up over Monty. However, I don't want to let it dominate my life. Weekdays are easy. I get up, go to work, do my fitness routine, play some frisbee with Penny, & go to bed. Eat, Sleep, Repeat. The weekends, however, are an entirely different story. I get to sit at home, all by myself, & do nothing at all. Sure, I've got the dogs to keep me company, but I still can sit on the couch & do nothing but be depressed. And overeat. Confession time: I ate an entire batch of double chocolate chip muffins this weekend. Sure, I made them with applesauce instead of oil, but it was not a productive thing to do. I did not feel better by eating all that.
So now it's Monday & I've decided to start fresh. No more thoughts about all the miles I haven't logged. No more obsessing about the muffins... or the rice cakes... or the pasta... or the dessert. Some people hate Mondays. I don't mind Mondays because I feel like they present me with a clean slate to do things right. Set myself up for success. To start with, I'm eating properly again. I discovered our post gym has a brand new noon yoga class, so I'm heading over to check it out. And I plan to hit my treadmill after work for 3-5 miles (depending on how I feel).
Future plans... I've got 2 races planned for October: a half marathon & a 12k. I know I need to start logging miles on these legs... especially the long runs. From today forward, I plan to do much better for myself regarding the long runs. I need to study for the LSAT in December. I need to pick out a full marathon for my running target. And my other big project: turning Penny into my running partner. I can't do that until December. Looks like December is going to be a big month for me!
I think the main thing is understanding that grief is a natural process. I need to allow myself to feel it without letting it overtake my weekends. That will be my intention for this coming weekend.