**long post warning**
It's a question I ask myself more often than I care to admit. If you follow my blog, then you know I've been using the BelieveIAm Training Journal. This is a new experience for me; I'm used to logging into web sites to track/analyze my fitness data. By writing it down journal-style, I've been able to notice trends, ask myself questions, & record random mantras as they come to me. And the major thing I've noticed since I started using the journal (1 FEB 2012) is this: What's wrong with me?
It's The Funk, which shall henceforth be known as TF.
How does TF start? It starts with a bad night of sleep. Maybe Mr. X is tossing/turning too much. Maybe I've woken up with one wicked night sweat & need a shower at 1 AM. Maybe Mr. X is
TF Zone 2 is often referred to as Danger Zone... not in the cool you-can-be-my-wingman way with an awesome theme song, but in the I-can't-seem-to-peel-my-fat-ass-off-the-couch way. Again, it starts with a TF Zone 1 classic: a bad night of sleep. The challenge of TF Zone 2 is that it strikes on the weekends. This means all that bad sleep drags itself into a day in which no actual movement is necessary. There's no "reason" to get off the couch... which is why it never happens. TF Zone 2 results in multiple naps & crazy tiredness, as well as ridiculous binge eating & showering at 5 PM (well past acceptable times-of-day for wake-up time hygiene).
TF Zone 3 is more commonly referred to as The Phantom Zone... not in the look-over-your-shoulder-for-serial-killer-Kryptonians way, but in the Hey-what's-that-weird-feeling-in-my-[insert body part here]-I-think-I'm-too-hurt-to-run way. TF Zone 3 is the point in which TF Zones 1-2 add up & result in mysterious injury. Maybe it's my ankle that feels unstable. Maybe my IT band feels "wonky." No matter what it is, I feel "out of sorts." This means no running for fear of more damage to whatever it is I think hurts. Keep in mind that I haven't done any exercise in TF Zones 1-2, so there was no way for me to hurt myself. I'm not hypochondriacal by nature, but in my mind, I'm a broken athlete who needs time to recuperate.
One of my favorite mantras is a bastardization of a line from Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Hank Rearden tells Dagny Taggart one of the reasons he admires her so much is because she observes no will but her own; no one can tell her "no" because she simply doesn't acknowledge the power of others over her person/actions. In my most recent re-read of Atlas Shrugged, I adopted the mantra "No will but my own" to get me through tough workouts. So how does this apply to TF? I have no idea. In the ultimate grudge match between my will & TF, The Funk wins. Every. Single. Time. I have no idea how to talk myself out of it, even though I find myself wanting to be talked out of it. I'm disappointed in myself every time I let TF win... but I keep repeating the same mistake over & over.
You can say I'm being too hard on myself, but lazy is just lazy at some point... isn't it? Running twice a week, while better than some, is not what I want. I want to stick to my training plan; it's the only way to achieve my goal of successfully running the half marathon in May. So why don't I? I just don't know... but TF has got me in its evil grip & I'm trying desperately to shake it off.
So what does this all mean? Here we go again... that's what it means. I have a 3-mile pace run scheduled for Wednesday. I'm setting my alarm for 04:30. I am waking up & knocking it out before I have the chance to talk myself into TF. At least, that's the current plan... until TF strikes again.